August 14th 2023
Copied From the Associated Press
Major League Baseball agent Mcinnis found dead in his hotel room in Miami, Florida early this morning.
Early reports were that Mcinnis may have been involved in a cooking accident in which he electrocuted himself with a pop-up style toaster. The toaster was found with the remnants of what appeared to be delicious Eggo waffles. However, testing of the waffle remnants showed that his waffles contained a significant amount of an unknown substance believed to be toxic. There is no evidence of who may have been involved with the attempted murder of Mcinnis.
At the time of his death the only possessions that were found were a number of suitcases filled with money, and a wallet sized portrait of Florida Marlins pitcher Donovan Pace with and autograph and a lipstick kiss on it. The picture was found in his wallet in the same plastic sleeve most people keep pictures of their children. The room, according to the crime scene investigators, was mostly covered in DNA stains consistent with semen but a crack deputy was quick to point out that "this would be the case in any hotel older than 30 days in pretty much any town in any city, anywhere".
Agent Mcinnis represented many major league players and now they will be in need of new representation to negotiate with teams. Many major league sources are suggesting that upcoming agent Chaz Ravencroft may
be in position to fill Mcinnis’ shoes. Chaz Ravencroft previously legally represented Anti Age Ltd. who specializes in cosmetics and was fired as a paid intern from McInnis' staff in 2017 for allegedly photoshopping a picture of the pair on a vacation that never happened. Most recently he was working as an agent for Cricket players in New Zealand.
In an unrelated story, Anti Age Ltd. recently made headlines for the release of the drug Botulinum, a chemical designed to get rid of crows feet. It was initially successful but was pulled recently due to it's toxicity and unusual side-effect the caused an extreme craving for eggos.
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